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Our fall in crappy cell phone pics

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It’s been way too long since I captioned our crappy cell phone pics. The pics from September and October are still just as crappy as ever 😀 A lot of these are from my Halloween Disney trip with Tiana.

 

funny kid pics

The first day of school at our house

 

funny kid picsLuca channels his inner Taylor Swift: “Look what you made me do.”

 

funny kid pics

My daughter’s response when I asked her if I was her best friend.

 

funny kid pics

I’m not sure what Z was trying to write, but now I feel scared and keep checking for buobe crapps.

 

That face your kid gives you when you’ve told him there’s no more cookies and he catches you in a lie.

 

funny kid pics

Text from the husband while I’m away: “Are they allowed to be doing this ?”

 

funny kid pics

Zari misheard the photographer saying “smile” as “make sure to completely hide your upper lip.”

 

funny kid pics

Why did no one tell me that a $5 fidget spinner would delight and entertain my child for 2.5 hours? I would have sprung for the 50 pack.

 

funny kid pics

Why does this precious photo of Grandpa and Luca remind me of the start of an America’s Funniest Home Video clip?

 

File this one under “things parents let their kids do in the 80s that can get CPS called on you now”.

 

We never promote violence in our household. Except for that one toy where you get to make your favorite superheroes punch each other in the face until they fall over.

If you like finding glitter in your omelette 12 days after the fact, this face paint is for you.

 

I warned the kids this would happen if they woke up in the middle of the night one more time.

 

When your kid gets this happy about mixing candy it’s kind of like you could have skipped the trip to Disney and just taken them to that sketchy local movie theater.

 

When your mom brings you on a ride you absolutely hate and then forces you to pose for a picture in front of it.

 

 Thank you Disney for making the most Instagram-able beverage I’ve ever encountered.

 

Apparently the husband can’t take constructive criticism, because he didn’t appreciate me telling him I found a shirt with his picture on it.

 

When you’re trying to be in character but you just look extremely nauseated (T) and like you just soiled your pants (me).

 

Luca’s entire trick-or-treating loot. Pro tip: Don’t give your toddler a bag to collect candy. Each house they go to, they’ll drop the two pieces they have in their hands and take two more pieces.

 

Who else thinks we should make a petition to move Halloween to summer? Half the country can’t see anybody’s costumes under their winter coats!

 

If looking at my family pics makes you feel better about your parenting, check out my other posts in the series:

Our Family Vacation In Crappy Cell Phone Pics

Our Summer Week In Crappy Cell Phone Pics

The Original Our Week In Crappy Cell Phone Pics

MORE of the Funniest Parents on Twitter

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Given the events of the this week, I’ve been walking around with a dark cloud over my head as I’m sure most Americans are. Everyone says to spread kindness in the wake of tragedy but it can be hard when you feel so heavy and gloomy.

Because I think we all need to lift our spirits for a few minutes, I decided to do another roundup of the funniest parents on Twitter. Kudos to these people for spreading a little joy through their clever and/or sarcastic use of 140 characters.

Feel free to follow anyone on here and make your twitter feed 1000% more awesome.

funniest parents on twitter

 

 

If you enjoyed these, check out part 1 of Funny Parents on Twitter.

And have a laugh at my expense with my Crappy Cell Phone Pics!

Our Family Vacation in Crappy Cell Phone Pics

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Real Mom Recs family vacation

You know that Onion article called “Mom Spends Beach Vacation Assuming All Household Duties In Closer Proximity To Ocean”? Our family vacation had a healthy dose of THAT.

Traveling with kids is never really a vacation for the parents who still need to do all their regular tasks just in a different place. In addition to that, I pretty much ignored all of my own travel advice, threw the kids completely off their schedules, and overstimulated them. We did make some pretty awesome memories through all of that too. We got to visit with extended family and make a few fun stops on the way back.

Check out our family vacation through my crappy cell phone pics!

(And lest you think these are just the outtakes and we have some pretty looking album full of nice pictures somewhere… NOPE. These are it.)

Family vacation in crappy cell phone pics

John and the girls drove, while I flew down with those-who-can’t-handle-long-car-rides. Use your imagination about the other plane passengers passing by the open seat next to us. Us being the lady with the baby and hyperactive little boy. The first 50 people to pass us by smirked as if to say “NOT IT!” and the unlucky winner (with no other option) reluctantly sat down next to us. I almost felt bad for the poor sucker, until I realized the only worse seat on the plane was MINE.

Family vacation in crappy cell phone pics

Zari, as the plane is ascending into the clouds: “wait, are we gonna see GOD anywhere up here???” (To buy a minute of quiet I told him “maybe if you look really really hard”.)

Family vacation in crappy cell phone pics

We were visiting family for a baptism, so you can see how delighted the kids were to be spending their vacation going to church.

Family vacation in crappy cell phone pics

I dressed the kids cute, so I get faces like these.

Family vacation in crappy cell phone pics

“Here Dad, let’s play that fun game where I take my shoe off and then you have to put it back on. How else am I supposed to spend an hour in church???”

Family vacation in crappy cell phone pics

That sweet family photo where Mom and Dad are trying their best not to lose it on the one kid who keeps ruining the picture.

Family vacation in crappy cell phone pics

I told them to look like they like each other and I’m pretty sure Tiana’s giving me the kid-version of the middle finger.

Family vacation in crappy cell phone pics

That time I sat there taking pics of my kid without even realizing he was playing with a DIRTY CIGARETTE BUTT. Still waiting for that Mom of the Year trophy.

Family vacation in crappy cell phone pics

How did I not notice that my son has the gangliest arms on the planet before taking this picture?

Real Mom Recs family vacation

That picture where Tiana is trying not to pee her pants because she needs to go and there are fountains everywhere.

Family vacation in crappy cell phone pics

“Hey Mom, anytime you want to stop forcing me to smile while being blinded by direct sunlight, that would be greeeeeat.”

Family vacation in crappy cell phone pics

Apparently kids really can sleep anywhere. The trick is you need to sleep torture them for three days first.

Family vacation in crappy cell phone picsVacation day 4: Baby wakes up with a suspicious rash, and we realize he hasn’t just been tired and miserable from traveling but because he has roseola. (Where is that trophy, anyway?)

Family vacation in crappy cell phone pics

We still need to make this trip fun for the non-sick kiddos, so let’s just go ahead and get them ice cream cones bigger than their heads and hope for the best.

Family vacation in crappy cell phone pics

Water park day. No idea why Tiana thinks she needs to hold her breath while sitting on a giant tube in the open air.

Family vacation in crappy cell phone pics

All of my kids love lazy rivers, which is proof that they take pleasure in seeing their parents in an extended state of panic.

Family vacation in crappy cell phone pics

Water park trip: great fun for 3/4 of the my children

RealMomRecs family vacation

Looking into the lake… T:”Look, a fish.”
Z: “Wow, a turtle too!”
E: “Well, I see a shark…” 😆

Real Mom Recs family vacation

Science center fun! Sicky boy is feeling much better and would like to spend the entire day driving this pretend ambulance.

Real Mom Recs family vacation

Why is it that being sick so unfun, but pretending to be sick is super fun?

RealMomRecs family vacation fun

“Sure Mom, just keep sitting there taking that picture while I do all the work around here!”

RMR family vacation

Thanks to this fun simulator, the kids are now wishing for our house to get hit by a tornado.

Vacation came to an end, and we all made it back in one piece. 82 loads of laundry later, life is back to business as usual. I’ll get around to putting those suitcases away one of these days.

Don’t miss the other installments of Our Crappy Cell Phone Pics!

Parenting funnies: Reasons my 4 year old has woken me up at night

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Parenting Funnies RealMomRecs

You know how kids can be so annoying and so exhausting, you have to laugh about it in order to deal with how insane it is?

That’s where I am right now with my 4 year old waking me up at night. For the most absurd reasons.

My kid isn’t like most little kids who rotate between the “drink of water” and “need to go potty” requests all night long. She prefers to torture me more creatively.

Reasons my 4 year old has woken me up at night:

  1. To ask me if I’m sleeping.
  2. She needs a bandaid for an invisible boo boo.
  3. Her pajamas have a tag that suddenly became itchy.
  4. To ask me why she can say “Mario” but she can’t say “Luh-lee-gee”.
  5. (15 mins later) Just letting me know that Mario wears red and “Luh-lee-gee” wears green and did I know those are Christmas colors?
  6. Checking to see if I remembered that a long, long, long, LONG time ago, she watched Frosty the Snowman.
  7. To ask if it is anybody’s birthday tomorrow.
  8. To ask how many days there are until her birthday.
  9. Screaming, terrified because she is sure she saw one of her stuffed animals move.
  10. (10 mins later) This time she’s not sure if it moved, but she wants me to get it out of her room anyway.
  11. Asks, “if sunscreen smells like bananas does that mean it tastes like bananas?”
  12. To have me dispose of a hangnail that she peeled off.
  13. She wanted me to tell her again what my name was before my name was Mommy.
  14. To let me know that she plans on swimming in the deep water when she’s 5. Or maybe 10. But she thinks 5.
  15. To ask if she will be getting the treat I’ve bribed her with as a reward for not waking me up in the night.

Yeah, I’m pretty sure she doesn’t understand how that bribe is supposed to work 🙄

Sometimes I feel like a better mattress could stop this, I found a very interesting article on Top Mattress blog, right here: https://www.topmattress.com/best-mattress-for-kids/ – I know how sleep is extremely important so sometimes researching and reading a bit can solve the problem.

What ridiculous reasons have your kids had for waking you up in the night? Share your parenting funnies with a comment!

Follow more of our family antics with Our Week in Crappy Cell Phone pics

The Worst Kinds of Moms the Rest of Us Can’t Stand

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I’ve met hundreds of Moms in my 8 years as a parent. For the most part I feel like we are all doing our best with a job that’s insanely hard and doesn’t have clear instructions. I truly believe in Moms-supporting-Moms as we all are in this together. But sometimes support comes in the form of tough love. So if you are one of these Moms, the WORST kinds of Moms, I feel like I need to let you know.

Knowledge is power, my Mommy friends.

RealMomRecs The Worst Kinds of Moms the Rest of Us Can't Stand

1. The Pregnancy Police

She is the initiation to all the Worst Moms we will encounter in our mothering career.

After the joy of discovering we’re pregnant and trying to keep it on the down low for 12 weeks, we finally go public with the news. We are glad to join the club with all our friends who became Moms before us. We’ve been longing for their support and are eager to learn from their wisdom.

Unfortunately the joy doesn’t last long, because the Pregnancy Police rushes in with her “friendly advice”.

That coffee is decaf, right? You know caffeine is bad for the baby.

DON’T EAT THAT! How do you know if that cheese was pasteurized?!

Are you going to go natural with your hair now because you know you’re not supposed to dye your hair when you’re pregnant.

While she may have good intentions, the absolute last thing a nervous, vulnerable, first-time pregnant mom needs is the Pregnancy Police watching every move and throwing shame onto her unsuspecting victim.

2. The Constantly Excusing Mom

Her kid is a terror. The tantrums are one of top of another. He refuses to share, grabs toys away from other kids, and screams at his mother when she feebly asks him to stop.

But it’s not the kid’s behavior the is the Worst. It’s the barrage of excuses his mother makes.

She points to him while fake-whispering: “He really didn’t sleep well last night.”

She pretends to talk to her kid when her words are really directed at the other Moms: “You must need to eat something because I know you get cranky when you’re hungry!”

When all else fails and he’s still acting like a jerk, she’ll say “I think someone isn’t feeling well! Must be that bug going around!”

Any excuse will do for the Mom who refuses to assign blame or correct her child’s behavior. If only she’d say something like, “wow, he’s acting like such a little shit today!”, we could all be friends.

3. The Non-reciprocating Mom

Listen lady, I pretended to enjoy having your little hellion over to play at my house last week so that you would entertain my little hellion at your house next week. That’s how this works.

The worst offenders will even call you again and ask you to watch their kid so they can go do something. Regardless of what you think, I’m actually not a free childcare service.

4. The Humble-Brag Mom

This Mom just HATES to brag, but could you believe her 3 year old was allowed to play on the 4 year old soccer team? And she has no idea why, because he only scored 6 goals the first game when he probably could have scored 7.

Not to mention her daughter, who entered kindergarten reading chapter books, but seriously she had no idea all kids weren’t doing that!

Watch out for the humble-brag mom on social media. You will know her from how #grateful she is for her perfectly coordinated children who just surprised her with homemade cookies and a vase of fresh flowers! Isn’t she so #blessed?

5. The Flakey Mom

This Mom could actually be cool, if you were ever able to nail down a time to see her. She makes plans to come over, then texts to cancel an hour after she was supposed to be there. When she does show up, she’s gotta run after 30 minutes because she forgot about dance class. If she makes it to the pool party, you better have an extra bathing suit to loan her kid because Flakey Mom definitely won’t have one.

6. The Judgey Mom

She is the absolute WORST of all the Worst Moms No One Can Stand. Forget whatever you thought you were doing right as a parent, because this mom is here to tell you you’re doing it wrong.

Wait, why does he have a bottle? Didn’t he turn 1 last week?

Is that a happy meal toy? My kids don’t even know what McDonalds is!

I’m SURE you’ve heard about TV and how it’s bad for brain development.

If you recognize yourself as one of these Moms:

I’m sorry we can’t stand you. Take it as constructive criticism, reign in your Worst Mom behavior, and we can all Kumbaya while complaining about our kids once more.

RealMomRecs Worst Kinds of Moms