If you’re anything like me, you can’t get enough of funny parents on Twitter. Here are some of my recent favorites!
(Follow anyone you like on here, including yours truly)
Hate when other kids wear same clothes as mine. Means I actually have to look closer to verify if he’s mine or not. #lazymom
— Shan Kennedy (@MyQbert) March 30, 2017
Motivational quote, parent style:
— Jack’s Dad (@DaddingAround) June 15, 2017
“Mom! Please bring me some new underwear. I thought it was a fart..and then it wasn’t”
*Things you never want to hear from the bathroom
— It’sReally10Months (@really10months) June 14, 2017
If a kid doesn’t gag and scream, did they really take a bite of dinner?
— Toni Hammer (@realtonihammer) June 6, 2017
— Snarky Breeders (@snarkybreeders) May 26, 2017
Sometimes having 5 minutes of peace and quiet is worth letting my daughter take all the ziploc bags out of the box. #momlife
— Marie-P Valiquette (@thenorthernfox) June 10, 2017
— Tahnee Fales (@laundrylullaby) June 5, 2017
Well we are out of mac-n-cheese so I have no idea what my kids are going to eat until Saturday.
— Rodney Lacroix (@moooooog35) June 14, 2017
Top 5 Toddler Fears:
4. The dark
1. Having their favourite cup or blanket washed
— Life UnPinteresting (@LifeUnPinterest) June 14, 2017
If every 5 years I bought myself the same amount of clothes I buy my baby every 3 months, my wardrobe would get a major upgrade. #momlife
— Caitlin (@RealMomRecs) June 14, 2017
7yo: I got duck poop on my hand
Me: Ok, don’t touch anything until we get home
*looks in back seat
7yo: *already eating crackers
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) June 11, 2017
You know you’re a mom, when you come home from a dental appointment and feel like you’ve just had a break. #momlife
— SISSY EATON (@sissymakes) June 5, 2017
*points to yogurt my 5 yr old spilled on the couch*
THIS IS WHY WE CAN’T HAVE NICE THINGS
*storms away, trips over my purse and spills wine*
— Lurkin’ Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) June 12, 2017
— Diana (@DianaChristine3) May 16, 2017
— Tanya (@seemeandliz) June 8, 2017
— Third Time Mom (@KYannotta) June 8, 2017
Me: I hate the person who bought our daughter that damn recorder.
Wife: You bought our daughter the recorder.
Me: Yeah I hate that guy.
— The Unfit Father (@TheUnfitFather) June 11, 2017
My kids know that my daily phone alarm reminds me to take my “special vitamin.” They don’t know it’s bc I don’t want more of their kind.
— SpacedMom (@copymama) May 19, 2017
My 2yo screams when he doesn’t get a blue fork and also when he gets a blue fork but he didn’t want a blue fork and also when he breathes.
— MamaFizzles (@MamaFizzles) May 19, 2017
You know what really makes having kids worth it? When you haven’t shaved for a day and they touch your skin and say, “your leg is spiky.”
— SpacedMom (@copymama) June 15, 2017
Kids: Daddy, want to play the Game of Life?
Me: I’m scrubbing the toilets right now so I’m obviously already winning.
— Chris Bernholdt (@DadNCharge) June 14, 2017
Universal #parenting experience: Your children only want to help when they are too young to actually help.
— First Jimothy (@First_Jimothy) June 15, 2017
‘Don’t hit your sister. Mammy and daddy don’t hit each other, do they?’
‘That’s right we use passive aggression instead.’#parenting
— TwistedDoodles (@twisteddoodles) June 10, 2017
The ice cream truck is an icon, a childhood rite of passage… so is your drunk mother screaming “you kids don’t deserve any ice cream.”
— she’s unfiltered (@MommaUnfiltered) June 14, 2017
If the kids ask why dinner is later than usual tonight I’ll just have to say that I was lazier than usual tonight #slackermom
— Mikki (@RnMikkiMSN) March 9, 2017
Avoiding putting away groceries answering BuzzFeed quizzes. What’s more important? Learning I’m a pug or not letting chicken rot? #lazymom
— SandyDeeBP (@MrsSteak) March 20, 2017
Water guns are an opportunity to teach valuable life lessons like, “You can’t shoot people without their consent.”
— Mom Psychologist (@mompsychologist) June 15, 2017
Convos Mom never wants to overhear:
— Caitlin (@RealMomRecs) June 7, 2017
My kids autocorrected “no” to “keep asking until dad loses his shit” again.
— To Be Honest… (@snotnboogers23) June 6, 2017
— First Jimothy (@First_Jimothy) June 13, 2017
For more parenting laughs, check out our crappy cell phone pics!