A compilation of some of my favorite quotes that will make you smile!
So far you’ve survived 100% of your worst days.
If you don’t like where you are, move. You are not a tree.
It’s only embarrassing if you’re embarrassed.
If you like people who do stupid shit all the time, become a parent. -Kelly Oxford
Forgive others, not because they deserve forgiveness, but because you deserve peace.
Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I wonder what my dog named me?
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
There are only 3 things women need in life: food, water, and compliments. -Chris Rock
For every minute you are angry, you lose 60 seconds of happiness.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
When you drink alcohol you are just borrowing happiness from tomorrow.
Accept who you are. Unless you’re a serial killer. – Ellen DeGeneres
Next year, you’ll wish you had started today.
I have enough money to live comfortably for the rest of my life; if I die next Tuesday.
“Go to bed, you’ll feel better in the morning” is the human version of “Did you turn it off and turn it back on again?”
Create a life you don’t need a vacation from.
I wonder if my dog always follows me into the bathroom when I have to go potty because I always follow him outside when he does and he just thinks that’s how it works.
To be old and wise, you must first be young and stupid.
I cook with wine. Sometimes I even add it to the food. – W. C. Fields
Parenting offers the unique experience of realizing you’re already late for something that doesn’t start for 4 hours. -Simon Holland
Never miss a good chance to shut up. – Will Rogers
I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade… and try to find someone whose life has given them vodka, and have a party. -Ron White
Wear a smile and have friends, wear a scowl and have wrinkles.
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me. – Fred Allen
When people tell me, “you’re going to regret that in the morning”, I sleep until noon because I’m a problem solver.
Just remember, if the world didn’t suck, we’d all fall off.
Still need a pick me up? Check out my Funniest Parenting Tweets
Or, have a laugh at my expense with Our Crappy Cell Phone Pics!