Are you pregnant and wondering what’s in store for your sex life? Pregnancy sex is something everybody wonders about but no one seems to be talking about.
There’s no easy answer to how pregnancy will affect your sex life, because it will change it in a thousand different ways. Based on my experience and that of my closest female confidants, I’ve noticed there is a loose trajectory of how it will go; therefore we’ve outlined the 7 stages of pregnancy sex.
Step 1: Making the baby
If your baby was planned, chances are this was achieved through scientifically researched, calculated, and extremely well-timed baby-making sex. (Nothing says “sexy” like being told to come make your deposit NOW because your wife got a little smiley face on a pee stick, right?)
When it takes a while to conceive, this stage will cause you to quickly approach boredom and eventually desperation. You read that holding your legs in the air for 30 minutes and sacrificing a lamb to the fertility gods will boost your chances? Then that’s exactly what you’re going to do, damn it!
Some of us ended up with our babes without planning them at all. In that case, the baby-making sex was somewhere in between the throws of passion and a giant, oops-induced heart attack.
The first time having sex after finding out you’re pregnant
There is something uniquely terrifying about having sex right after you’ve learned you are pregnant. Your feelings will lie somewhere in between awkward nervousness and abject terror. If things get rough, will the embryo get dislodged from my uterine lining? Can a ball of cells see what’s coming at it?!
Weeks 6-13: Sleeping, puking, or both
Is your pregnancy pillow getting more action than your man? Must be the first trimester!
The rest of the first trimester you’ll see your sex life die a sudden death. Between the crippling fatigue that leaves you unable to keep your eyes open and the ever-present morning sickness, you just want to be alone on the couch. Any movement induces vomiting. Please don’t touch me.
Weeks 14-26: Second trimester sweet spot
Sometime after the morning sickness subsides and you start feeling like a human again, there is a short window of time when the sex is really good.
You have a cute little second trimester bump that makes you feel ripe, like a goddess of fertility. Your hair is thick and shiny and on point. The increased blood flow to your nether regions makes sex feel really good. You aren’t huge and uncomfortable yet, and can even pretend you aren’t pregnant if you have a good imagination.
Weeks 27-37: Large and not in charge
Third trimester: conditions are not ideal for good sex.
As you get into your third trimester, the goodness of the second trimester starts becoming… less good.
The main reason?
You’re huge. (Even if you aren’t that huge, you still feel huge). No view of your body is flattering. Everything is uncomfortable.
When you’re brave enough to even attempt sex, your movement is awkward. Prepare to try 12 positions to find one that works. Don’t be alarmed if your husband asks for the lights off for the first time ever.
Week 38 until the day you give birth
By this point you are so over being pregnant, you can think about nothing else other than getting the baby out. This desperation leads you to beg your husband for his labor-inducing semen even though you haven’t wanted sex in months.
He is weak, so he relents. Somehow the two of you accomplish this chore. When labor doesn’t strike immediately after, you become irrationally angry.
Epilogue: Post baby sex
It feels like something’s come between us…
On the day you get your six week clearance to have sex again, it will be a mix of excitement and nervousness. What if the baby sleeping 3 feet away wakes up? Will he be emotionally scarred for life? Will sex feel like a hotdog shooting down a hallway?
Seriously though, wait until you are good and ready. Make sure your body is healed and you aren’t afraid. Take it slow. It can be good, I promise.
And if it’s not, just stop. Try again later! Postpartum is already overwhelming, don’t add another thing that’s going to stress you out to your list.
Sex when you have kids
Before you know it, your sex life will reach a new normal that revolves around naptime quickies. Maybe even the odd evening home when you’re both able to stay awake past 9. As long as its happening at all, you two are doing good.
Someday we’ll be out of this stage.
Unless you keep going back to step one. 😀
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Now let’s see what some other experienced Mamas have to say about their experience with sex during pregnancy and postpartum.
Moms on pregnancy sex
“While I was pregnant I loved sex, couldn’t get enough of it! In fact, it was happening so often my husband finally had to put me on a ‘once a day’ rule!” -Miranda, Miranda Southern
“For me, I wanted sex all the time when I was pregnant. While it was still enjoyable, it definitely became much less comfortable as time went on. As far as postpartum, I waited the six weeks that the doctor recommended. I was so scared it would be painful, but honestly it was pain free.”
-Audrey, Mommy Enlightened
“I know some women love having sex during pregnancy. I just wasn’t one of them! There were too many discomforts, plus the feeling that your body is invaded and not your own. Especially at the end, it just isn’t going to happen.” -Lillian
Moms on postpartum sex
“I love sex on the norm. It’s a huge part of who I am as a person. But I’m wrecked for at least six months after having a baby. Who wants something going in the same area where they pushed out an 8 lb+ baby? I can remember after our fourth child was born, my husband was counting down until I was in the clear. To me, it was more of a just lying there and getting it over with sort of thing. New moms shouldn’t be ashamed of this & most of the time you can just blame the hormones.” -Farrah, New and Natural Mom
“Even though most doctors will clear you to regain sexual activity after about 6 weeks postpartum, don’t be too surprised if you want nothing to do with sex for a bit longer! In addition, your partner may still be traumatized from seeing a 6-10lb baby shoot out of your vagina 6 weeks ago, so he/she may need some extra time too! 😉” -Liesel, Labor Teen
“Postpartum sex is really rough. I’m not going to sugar coat it, if you had tearing, it is going to hurt. It took me a full year for the pain to fully disappear. I recommend taking it slow and communicating with your husband. We had to try a few different positions before being able to find methods that worked for my body. Sex is a huge part of marriage and when you are overwhelmed with a new baby it is the last thing on your mind, especially when it hurts. However, you and your husband need to prioritize that part of your relationship. If you continue to have problems don’t hesitate to speak with a doctor.” -Amy, So Goes Life
“There is NO RUSH to get back to having sex after having baby. A loving partner will understand and be patient with you. Plus, there are other things you can do until you’re physically ready for penis-to-vagina sex again. If you know what I’m saying.” -Melinda, Unfrazzled Mama