It happened again, just the other day, in the grocery store.
I was trying to stop the toddler from turning himself around in the seat of the cart and grabbing the eggs behind him. He was buckled in as tight as possible, but still somehow managed to wriggle himself around and grab at the groceries.
My preschooler was tugging on my coat, whining for a box of cookies placed right at her eye level on the shelf.
The eight year old was lagging behind, looking at God-knows-what, but surely bothering other shoppers with his complete lack of awareness of other people.
You could say I was flustered.
And that was the moment I heard one of my most hated sentences: “Aw, look at those little ones! Enjoy every minute!”
Who is enjoying every minute?
If you have kids, you’ve surely heard this before.
You probably heard it for the first time when you were first home with your newborn. Eyes bleary, body sore, living with an almost-crippling fear as the reality of caring for a baby has struck.
And you think, “enjoy every minute? Now I need to worry about feedings, laundry, showering, sleeping, cooking… and I need to worry about what’s wrong with me for not enjoying it?”
Let me assure you, nothing is wrong with you. No one is enjoying motherhood as much as their Instagram feed would have you believe. I know enough parents well to know that their social media accounts are nothing like the daily reality of their lives with kids.
We are all losing our battle with kid clutter, we are all exhausted, and we all have plenty of moments that we’re not enjoying.
Waiting for this season to pass
Somewhat more helpful (and less guilt-provoking) words that I also get are “This is just a season, it will pass.”
My oldest is now 9 so I can say this statement is true; I have already seen a season pass. And for her, the baby/toddler/little kid season passing has been just as wonderful as I hoped it would be.
In fact a lot of the time, I find myself waiting for this season my life to pass. When all of my kids are “big kids” and this whole season of parenting young ones has passed.
I look forward to the season where I can:
- shower any time of day I choose
- eat a bowl of cereal myself without having to go bite-for-bite with a tiny person
- go on a date with my husband without having to find and pay a babysitter
- cook a healthy meal and not have people cry when I serve it to them
- sleep 8 hours uninterrupted at night
- not have to plan every outing around nap time
There are lots more. I’m sure many of us moms are waiting for the next season of parenthood, while being afraid to say that out loud. We fear the judgement of others and carry a sense of shame that we aren’t enjoying every moment of motherhood as we’ve been instructed to do.
Let go of Mommy guilt
It’s OK if you find yourself kissing your child goodbye on the first day of kindergarten and you don’t have to fight back tears. Nothing is wrong with you if you watch them run off with their oversized backpack on their little body and instead of feeling sadness or even “bittersweet”, you just feel free.
You are allowed to enjoy that moment too.
I have been the Mom sobbing on my way to work after dropping off my baby on his first day of daycare. I’ve also been the Mom who can’t wait to bring him there.
I’ve been the Mom who couldn’t bear the thought of leaving the kids overnight with Grandma and Grandpa. And I’ve been the Mom who couldn’t wait to leave them there for the weekend and go celebrate my anniversary.
Nothing is wrong with you for being any of these people at any point in your motherhood journey.
Not wishing it away
As much as I look forward to moving on to the next season of motherhood, I’m also trying not to wish this time away. I know there are things I will miss about having these little ones.
I will miss their sense of wonder. Some of the greatest moments of my life have been seeing my children react to some simple thing that just brings them such joy. Hearing them giggle and squeal that first time you push them on the swings. Seeing them discover nature when they take their first hike. Watching them learn how to walk, ride a bike, and swim.
They say “little kids, little problems, big kids, big problems” and that scares me. I will miss being able to make everything right for my child just by picking him up and giving him a kiss.
As difficult as the daily grind of parenting is, there are moments of pure magic.
Those are the moments I will enjoy. Not every moment. And that’s OK.