Disclosure: This post was written in collaboration with Digital Dudes Ltd.
As I’ve gotten deeper into my 30s, I’ve reached an age where I’m no longer getting invited to 5 of my friends’ weddings every year. Unfortunately, now more of them are getting divorced. Being single again after years of marriage thrusts people into the difficult situation of navigating a dating scene that has changed dramatically over recent years. Added to that is the additional challenge of having children, which means logistically getting out and meeting people is even tougher!
Online dating is a more convenient option for many, as it allows you to connect with others from the convenience of home. It also means you can set parameters of potential dates by age and other classifications. This way you are left with a more targeted pool of possible parters.
Luckily there are online dating sites out there now specifically for adult dating so you don’t find yourself in a pool of 20 year olds when you’re seeking a mature companion. One of these is called No Strings Attached which would be a great starting point.
If you’ve found yourself playing the game of dating in adulthood, you may be looking for advice and success stories.
Tips for starting out
- Accurately represent yourself in your profile. Don’t post a photo from 15 years ago or exaggerate your career. You don’t want a date to be disappointed when they meet you and get to know you!
- Keep an open mind. Don’t set your criteria to be so narrow that no one can measure up. It’s possible to fall for someone who doesn’t fit your ideal mold on paper.
- Start out on a friendship level. This takes the pressure off and focuses on just having fun. Choose a date that allows you to do an activity together instead of just drink!
- Just keep trying! In many ways, dating is a numbers game. You might knock it out of the park on your first try, or you might need to meet 35 Mr. Wrongs before you find Mr. Right. Don’t let a few bad dates deter you.
Adult dating success stories
Once upon a time, I had just come out of a very difficult marriage and even more difficult divorce. I was struggling to make ends meet and wasn’t able to work due to several chronic illnesses. As the years went by, I decided my heart had healed and I was ready to open myself up to love again. I wasn’t able to casually meet people since I almost never left home due to my illnesses, so I turned to online dating. I was very picky about who I actually went on dates with because it was very difficult to get all dressed up and well enough for such an event. I made some good friends and had some fun but wasn’t finding true love, so I stopped looking. After a year or so, I decided to try again and this time some of the men told me quite honestly that my illness was an issue. They wanted a tennis partner, or someone to travel with, and those were things that I couldn’t do. That was upsetting for me and I was giving up hope of ever finding someone who would want to be with me. But I decided to try one more time. And that’s when I met him: the man of my dreams! He was everything I wanted and needed. And I was everything he wanted and needed too. We knew right away that we were a perfect match. After dating for a few months, he moved into the apartment right across the hall from mine. He helped with my daily chores and walked the dog and we got to know eachother quickly. And the rest is history. We got married and are living happily ever after! We laugh and love and are perfectly happy together! There is someone for everyone…..if you are patient enough to wait.
Crystal, of www.crystalscrafties.com, writes:
I met my husband on Plenty of Fish (POF). That’s the free dating website notoriously known as the “hook-up” site. At the time I was 34 and he was 36. Neither of us had been previously married. I had a 2-year-old son and my elderly, disabled mother lived with me (hello baggage!) My husband and I were both very “price conscious” (i.e. cheap) when it came to online dating. By this I mean we didn’t really believe it would work so we weren’t about to pay for it. Hence the free dating website. Well here we are happily married 3 years later. It just goes to show you’re never too old, it’s never too late and there’s no wrong way to meet the person God intends for you to marry. So just sit back and enjoy the ride!
Rigel from www.holesinyoursocks.com writes:
I’m married now but spent the majority of my single life playing pretty regularly in the online dating world — I really enjoyed the ability to meet new people without flirting at work or spending way too many nights at the bar. Surfing the prospects and responding to emails became a fun evening activity as I wound down after work, while watching TV and painting my nails. Yes, I met my fair share of oddballs (I had one send a picture, the first and only picture I would ever see, of his 30 yr old self standing next to his mom in a Superman costume. And another guy fell asleep during our date) but over the years I also met several quality boyfriends and, eventually, my current husband. All in all I look back on my online dating days with a smile.
I think I enjoyed it so much not just because it worked for me and I got married, but because I had a solid common-sense approach to it all that made sure everything stayed fun (vs stressful or scary). Here are my top tips: 1) You must accept that no matter how you go about it, dating is a numbers game. You have to meet a lot of people to find THE person, so buckle in for the long haul and have fun with it — duds and all. 2) Meet in person, safely, as quickly as possible. Email once or twice, talk on the phone once or twice, and if everything is clicking get out there and have a cup of coffee together. There’s nothing worse than building a relationship over technology just to realize the chemistry isn’t going to work face-to-face. 3) Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst. Per tip #1, most of the guys you meet online will not be a love match, so don’t invest yourself too quickly, and no matter how much you like them ALWAYS put safety first. Any emotionally-healthy man will totally understand why you won’t tell him exactly where you work, or why he can’t pick you up at your house for the first date, etc.
Are you toying with the idea of dating again? Others will wonder if we loved our Spouses so much and are still grieving, how can we even think about dating again? We will be grieving them for the rest of our lives. Dating again isn’t going to change that. We may fall in-love again but we will always have the love we have for our spouses in our hearts forever. Only Widows/Widowers understand this. We do, however, need to give ourselves ample time to grieve. Only YOU know when it’s time to try to move forward and start living again.
Here are a few tips: 1. Don’t lie about your age or body type. Nothing is more of a turn-off than finding someone lied to you. 2. Have several photos to add with your profile. Include whole body pictures doing something you enjoy. If a man/woman sees you’re showing the whole you, they will see a confident person. 3. In your profile, tell a little about yourself but not specifics. Don’t say where you work or give your name. Give just enough information about yourself to make them want to know more. And, make sure to say what you’re looking for! Add a little humor and make it fun to read.
When you meet, be safe about it. Meet in a public place where there are a lot of people around- never after dark. Take a screen shot of the profile picture of the person you’re meeting and any other information you have on them like their name and phone number and send it to a friend. Also, tell them where you’re meeting and what time.
And remember- There isn’t anything any man or woman can do to you that would hurt worse than what you’ve already been through. So do not chase after anyone, you’ve survive widowhood, you can survive anything!