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Tips For Dating In Adulthood

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dating in adulthood

Disclosure: This post was written in collaboration with Digital Dudes Ltd.

As I’ve gotten deeper into my 30s, I’ve reached an age where I’m no longer getting invited to 5 of my friends’ weddings every year. Unfortunately, now more of them are getting divorced. Being single again after years of marriage thrusts people into the difficult situation of navigating a dating scene that has changed dramatically over recent years. Added to that is the additional challenge of having children, which means logistically getting out and meeting people is even tougher!

Online dating is a more convenient option for many, as it allows you to connect with others from the convenience of home. It also means you can set parameters of potential dates by age and other classifications. This way you are left with a more targeted pool of possible parters.

Luckily there are online dating sites out there now specifically for adult dating so you don’t find yourself in a pool of 20 year olds when you’re seeking a mature companion. One of these is called No Strings Attached which would be a great starting point.

If you’ve found yourself playing the game of dating in adulthood, you may be looking for advice and success stories.

Tips for starting out

  1. Accurately represent yourself in your profile. Don’t post a photo from 15 years ago or exaggerate your career. You don’t want a date to be disappointed when they meet you and get to know you!
  2. Keep an open mind. Don’t set your criteria to be so narrow that no one can measure up. It’s possible to fall for someone who doesn’t fit your ideal mold on paper.
  3. Start out on a friendship level. This takes the pressure off and focuses on just having fun. Choose a date that allows you to do an activity together instead of just drink!
  4. Just keep trying! In many ways, dating is a numbers game. You might knock it out of the park on your first try, or you might need to meet 35 Mr. Wrongs before you find Mr. Right. Don’t let a few bad dates deter you.

Adult dating success stories

LeeAnn of www.cottagelovelyhome.com writes:
Once upon a time, I had just come out of a very difficult marriage and even more difficult divorce.  I was struggling to make ends meet and wasn’t able to work due to several chronic illnesses.  As the years went by, I decided my heart had healed and I was ready to open myself up to love again.  I wasn’t able to casually meet people since I almost never left home due to my illnesses, so I turned to online dating.  I was very picky about who I actually went on dates with because it was very difficult to get all dressed up and well enough for such an event.  I made some good friends and had some fun but wasn’t finding true love, so I stopped looking.  After a year or so, I decided to try again and this time some of the men told me quite honestly that my illness was an issue.  They wanted a tennis partner, or someone to travel with, and those were things that I couldn’t do.  That was upsetting for me and I was giving up hope of ever finding someone who would want to be with me.  But I decided to try one more time.  And that’s when I met him: the man of my dreams!  He was everything I wanted and needed.  And I was everything he wanted and needed too.  We knew right away that we were a perfect match.  After dating for a few months, he moved into the apartment right across the hall from mine.  He helped with my daily chores and walked the dog and we got to know eachother quickly.  And the rest is history.  We got married and are living happily ever after!  We laugh and love and are perfectly happy together!   There is someone for everyone…..if you are patient enough to wait.

Crystal, of www.crystalscrafties.com, writes:

I met my husband on Plenty of Fish (POF). That’s the free dating website notoriously known as the “hook-up” site. At the time I was 34 and he was 36. Neither of us had been previously married. I had a 2-year-old son and my elderly, disabled mother lived with me (hello baggage!)  My husband and I were both very “price conscious” (i.e. cheap) when it came to online dating. By this I mean we didn’t really believe it would work so we weren’t about to pay for it. Hence the free dating website. Well here we are happily married 3 years later. It just goes to show you’re never too old, it’s never too late and there’s no wrong way to meet the person God intends for you to marry. So just sit back and enjoy the ride!

Rigel from www.holesinyoursocks.com writes:

I’m married now but spent the majority of my single life playing pretty regularly in the online dating world — I really enjoyed the ability to meet new people without flirting at work or spending way too many nights at the bar. Surfing the prospects and responding to emails became a fun evening activity as I wound down after work, while watching TV and painting my nails. Yes, I met my fair share of oddballs (I had one send a picture, the first and only picture I would ever see, of his 30 yr old self standing next to his mom in a Superman costume. And another guy fell asleep during our date) but over the years I also met several quality boyfriends and, eventually, my current husband. All in all I look back on my online dating days with a smile.

I think I enjoyed it so much not just because it worked for me and I got married, but because I had a solid common-sense approach to it all that made sure everything stayed fun (vs stressful or scary). Here are my top tips: 1) You must accept that no matter how you go about it, dating is a numbers game. You have to meet a lot of people to find THE person, so buckle in for the long haul and have fun with it — duds and all. 2) Meet in person, safely, as quickly as possible. Email once or twice, talk on the phone once or twice, and if everything is clicking get out there and have a cup of coffee together. There’s nothing worse than building a relationship over technology just to realize the chemistry isn’t going to work face-to-face. 3) Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst. Per tip #1, most of the guys you meet online will not be a love match, so don’t invest yourself too quickly, and no matter how much you like them ALWAYS put safety first. Any emotionally-healthy man will totally understand why you won’t tell him exactly where you work, or why he can’t pick you up at your house for the first date, etc.
Linda of blossomingwidow.com shares her dating tips from the perspective of a widow who is back on the dating scene:

Are you toying with the idea of dating again? Others will wonder if we loved our Spouses so much and are still grieving, how can we even think about dating again? We will be grieving them for the rest of our lives. Dating again isn’t going to change that. We may fall in-love again but we will always have the love we have for our spouses  in our hearts forever. Only Widows/Widowers understand this. We do, however, need to give ourselves ample time to grieve. Only YOU know when it’s time to try to move forward and start living again.

Here are a few tips: 1. Don’t lie about your age or body type. Nothing is more of a turn-off than finding someone lied to you. 2. Have several photos to add with your profile.  Include whole body pictures doing something you enjoy. If a man/woman sees you’re showing the whole you, they will see a confident person. 3. In your profile, tell a little about yourself but not specifics. Don’t say where you work or give your name. Give just enough information about yourself to make them want to know more. And, make sure to say what you’re looking for! Add a little humor and make it fun to read.

When you meet, be safe about it.  Meet in a public place where there are a lot of people around- never after dark.   Take a screen shot of the profile picture of the person you’re meeting and any other information you have on them like their name and phone number and send it to a friend.  Also, tell them where you’re meeting and what time.

And remember- There isn’t anything any man or woman can do to you that would hurt worse than what you’ve already been through. So do not chase after anyone, you’ve survive widowhood, you can survive anything!

Do you have a success story or tip about dating in adulthood? We’d love to hear it!

The Very Basics of Social Media Screening

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Disclosure: This post was written in collaboration with Fama.

Why do people use social media? The world of psychology has a field dedicated to human behavior and thought processes on social networks and the Internet – cyberpsychology – which has identified several key benefits humans derive from constant connection with people behind social media accounts:

  • Although real-world social interaction is considerably different than interaction
    through the Internet, the inherent human need for social interaction is a big
    reason why it’s so popular.
  • With Internet connections available throughout most places in developed
    countries – over 99 percent of the population in the United States is covered
    through mobile phones – passing time is easier than ever before.
  • People are more confident expressing their views through social media,
    especially behind accounts that don’t reveal their identity, or when they
    communicate with other people that don’t know one another in real life.
  • Let’s face it – we all "creep" on others’ social media pages from time to time,
    whether that’s our latest crush, family members, or coworkers. Thanks to most
    people being so comfortable with sharing what they think and feel, gathering
    knowledge about others’ intimate, personal lives has never been so easy.

We overlook the reasons behind social media’s never-before- seen proliferation – there are plenty more rewards humans derive from being active on Facebook, Twitter, and company – and don’t often, if ever, think about them.

Individuals Aren’t The Only People With Social Media Profiles

How many people are there in the United States of America? About 320,000,000 – 320 million.

What about the number of all businesses in America, large and small? The Small Business Administration indicates roughly 28 million businesses of all shapes, sizes, and focuses.

Even if all businesses did, in fact, have social media profiles they ran actively, individuals’ accounts would widely outnumber levels of corporate and small business accounts, combined.

Businesses Get What Advantage From This Ratio?

Ever heard of a background check? They’re expensive, inconvenient, and take time – not to mention, they might not pull up a complete set of information on job applicants in need of those background searches.

With soooooo many individual accounts, especially among young, working-class people, businesses are able to find profiles for most of their applicants.

Why Bother With Social Media Screening?

Just like personal social media use has its benefits, so does the relatively new social media background check:

  •  Outside of labor, electricity, Internet, computer equipment, it’s free.
  • Businesses find thing traditional searching methods would never find.
  • Social media screening is lightning fast.

What Should Businesses On The Prowl For Candidates Look Out For, Anyways?

If you’re too busy to bother picking up this new skill, many firms, businesses, organizations, and entities solicit help from the pros at Fama, a popular social media screening company.

Great question. Although people that think negatively aren’t nice to be around, businesses should almost always seek out negative, objectively bad information in applicants they’re looking for.

Here’s why – let’s say a candidate plasters positive on top of positive post on their account. How do they indicate readiness for employment? They don’t, truthfully. Imagine the opposite – a candidate plasters negative, negative, negative… ad nauseam.
Who wants to work with a “Negative Nancy?” That’s one strike right there, not to mention such negative posts are often inappropriate.

How To Cope When Life Hands You Too Much

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This week has been a tough one for me. For one, there’s just a lot to do between getting ready for Christmas and the two kids with Christmas birthdays. But I’ve also been carrying a heavy emotional burden with one of my children who is having a lot of problems lately, which is weighing on me even more heavily than my to-do list.

Basically this meme sums up exactly how I’m feeling.


Everyone goes through times when it feels like life has handed you too much. This is especially true with parents, who are juggling all the balls they can even when things are going well. Add on a few more troubles and it’s easy to feel completely overwhelmed.

I’m in process of working on this overwhelm right now and I’m not claiming to be an expert on this. What I can share is the list of things that work for me when I feel bogged down emotionally and physically by how much life has handed me.

how to cope

1. Practice the art of delegating

Life handed you too much? Hand some of it off.

Sure you may be carrying around an emotional burden that can’t be handed off, but if you give away some of the tangible tasks it can free you up enough to better deal with all of that.

Some tasks that can be delegated:

  • Childcare- call upon family members or a babysitter
  • Housework- ask your partner to take over a couple tasks that are typically yours
  • Social commitments- kids are the best excuse to get out of anything. If attending a social event is putting you over the edge, one of them can easily become “sick” 😉
  • Learn to say no! So many times we end up with too much on our plate because felt compelled to say yes when we should have said no.

2. Sleep it off

You can’t use this one all the time obviously, but sometimes when you can’t cope with your emotions, a stretch of sleep is the miracle cure.

Personally, my body does this on its own when I’m overwhelmed. My husband loves to laugh about the night he proposed to me. It was such a big event for me and so emotional that my body just shut down and went to sleep. He had a special dinner planned that he wanted to make me and I passed out on the couch and couldn’t get myself to wake up for it.

how to cope
Me: Can’t deal with life. Must sleep.

It turns out there’s actually science to this, as sleep can emotionally re-set the brain. Dr. Alice Boyes writes:

If you’re finding yourself having an unproductive day or an emotionally difficult day, try having a nap to get an emotional re-set. A nap of about 90 minutes (but not longer) is probably going to be necessary to give yourself the greatest emotional re-set benefits. This is because if you sleep 90 minutes you’ll go through one complete cycle of all five of the 5 stages of sleep, including REM sleep. REM sleep seems to be important for the emotional resetting process.

3. Call upon your support network

Who is the best listener in your life who will let you lay all your problems out there with no judgement? Time for a two hour phone call with them.

Or maybe it’s the friend who is sure to make you laugh. Invite them out for a drink.

Whoever it is you need, reach out. Holing up by yourself and eating your feelings is not likely to help.

4. Find your tribe

There are the times when it feels like no one can understand what you’re going through right now.

The good news is, there are millions of people out there. Someone out there can relate! You just need to find them.

There are support groups out there for adoptive parents, special needs parents, people who are going through divorce, etc. Connect with the people who will get what you’re dealing with.

Short on time or lacking what you need in your local community? Online forums might be your next best thing. Your tribe might be a quick Google search away.

5. Escape

Can’t deal with your life at the moment? Dive into someone else’s life through a book or a movie. Maybe video games get you into another world where you forget your own problems. Throw yourself into a creative project if art is your form of escape.

For me, travel is the ultimate escape guaranteed to get me into happy mode. Since trips can’t happen as often as I’d like, I generally do the next best thing- start planning my next vacation. I can go into my travel planning zone for hours and it really does make me forget my problems and focus on happy times.

Although escape can be effective, make sure you keep this coping mechanism in check. You don’t want to use this one too much, because at the end of the day we have to face our problems.

6. Self-care

Moms, I know you read this all the time and give it a little eyeroll and move on. Who has the time when we are already overly taxed? But really, self-care is HUGE.

For me, making exercise a priority is the best kind of self-care because I like doing it and I feel great after. But everyone has their own thing and you need to do what makes YOU happy.

A pedicure is another treat that makes me feel like a human again. Or if spending money isn’t in cards, a super long shower or bath. Meditation or simple mindfulness activities are helpful for lots of people as well.

Really any time to myself will do. But you do you when it comes to self-care. It’s all about making yourself and your relaxation a priority.

7. If you still can’t cope, turn to professionals

We all get down and feel overwhelmed at times. If you feel unable to cope and it’s ongoing, there is no shame in getting professional help. If it turns out you’re facing depression or anxiety, you don’t want to go through that on your own. Get the help you need so you can feel better and enjoy your life again.

What helps you cope when life hands you too much? Let us know in the comments!

How To Find the Right Car For Your Growing Family

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Disclosure: This is a sponsored post.

When we found out we were expecting baby number 3, my mind was racing with thoughts. Would we have enough time to devote to three children? Would our house be big enough to accommodate a family of 5? Does our car even fit three car seats across??? (spoiler alert: the answer to that last one was a big fat NO!)

The age that children are required to stay in car seats continues to get pushed back later and later. Kids today may be in a booster until age 12 depending on their height and weight. This means parents need to stay up to date on car seat laws and make sure they are installing car seats correctly. And when the time comes that your family needs a new car, parents need to choose a one that works with the type and number of car seats their family needs.

So how do you find the right car for your growing family?

1. Safety and car seat compatibility

Cars.com can make this one easy for you. They’ve rated popular cars after being tested by certified child passenger safety technicians. They grade the vehicles based on the safety checks of their Latch system and the car’s ability to accommodate different types of car seats. There is even this handy tool where you can enter a car’s make, model, and year and it will show you a report card for the vehicle. The result will look like this: how to find the right car for your growing family

This is a serious game-changer for parents shopping for a new (or new-to-you) car. Look up your current vehicle or the ones you’re interested in buying HERE: https://www.cars.com/news/car-seat-check/ You will quickly and easily see how many car seats fit in each row and how well each row accommodates different types of car seats. Definitely info you want to know before rolling up at home in a new set of wheels that may or may not fit your brood!

2. Features

After you’ve narrowed down your list of possibilities, make a list of the specific features you need in a car. While a minivan may not exactly jive with everyone’s style, I absolutely love mine because the sliding doors and trunk open with the push of a button on my key ring! So convenient when your arms of full of groceries and babies. I also knew I wanted leather seats, because they’d be easier to clean after the inevitable spills (and yes, the dreaded child vomit).

Lots of parents also love having a third row, either in a minivan or SUV. Trunk space and gas mileage may also be important for you to consider. Then there are the not-exactly-necessary (but still nice to have) features like rear window sun shades to keep the sun out of baby’s eyes. A rear-view camera is another nice extra for peace of mind when backing out of driveways or parking lots with children around.

how to find the right car for your growing family

3. Price

When determining your budget for a new car, don’t forget to factor in fees like sales tax, title and registration fees, insurance, and extended warranties. If you are financing the vehicle, consider the interest rate and try to time your purchase for when interest rates are low.  Consider trading in your old car and using that for a down payment. The more you are able to put down, the lower your monthly bills will be. If you are unsure of what your ideal price range should be, try using an online affordability calculator to figure it out.

When did you know you’d need a new car to accommodate your family? Which car ended up being perfect for you?