There was a headline going around the internet this week about a commercial that was rejected by the Oscars because it showed a real (unpretty) look at postpartum recovery. Needless to say, people had opinions.

Women feel they weren’t warned or prepared properly about postpartum because it simply isn’t spoken about or shown in the mainstream media. The media prefers to portray birth as a beautiful act, which of course it is, but it’s also extremely messy and difficult. The pressure on women to “bounce back” quickly is immense, and often times unrealistic.

Instead of the pressuring women to bounce back from birth as if nothing happened, we should be preparing them and supporting them in their recovery. That is the entire reason behind my ebook The Postpartum Handbook, because women need to know what the expect and how to prepare for the delicate postpartum phase. Too often, all the focus is on the baby, and it’s easy for the mother’s needs to go unnoticed. We women deserve better!

In this effort, here are 14 things I wish I’d know about postpartum recovery. Hopefully you are reading them while you’re still pregnant so you won’t be caught off guard.

Use Stool Softeners

Your first postpartum poop is downright terrifying. It can be a very painful experience, so prepare yourself accordingly.

If you had a c-section, you’ll have the side effects of constipation from the anesthesia. If you had a vaginal delivery, your vulva will likely be a torn-up mess. Either way, pooping will hurt, but stool softeners help a lot with easing the pain of those first few trips to the toilet.

Abdominal Pain and Cramping

Postpartum recovery is kind of like a period on steroids. Be prepared for a lot of cramping, especially when you’re breastfeeding, as your uterus contracts to its original size. A warm bath or shower, hot water compress, and herbal tea can all help alleviate your discomfort.

Sweatpants are Life

Be sure to stock up on the fluffiest, squishiest sweatpants before you give birth. Sweatpants are pretty much the only thing you’ll be wearing for the first few weeks of postpartum life. It helps to have multiple pairs to cycle through as you’ll be dealing with spit-up stains, diaper mishaps, and worse.

Painful Nipples and Boobs

Your boobs will get swollen and sore as your milk comes in, and your nipples will be very tender as they grow accustomed to breastfeeding.

Expressing milk with your hands and warm showers work wonders with breast engorgement. Your nipples will thank you if you invest in a non-lanolin based nipple cream. I highly recommend seeing a lactation consultant to help you learn the breastfeeding ropes. This is one of my five major tips on how to start breastfeeding successfully.

The Stomach Pooch Stays a While

Your mom might have told you it takes nine months to gain the baby weight and nine months to lose it. That statement couldn’t be more true! It takes time for your body to return to normal.

Your stomach might never have quite the same shape it used to, and that’s ok. Imagine blowing up a balloon, and then allowing it to deflate. The elasticity won’t be the same as it was before. Getting some exercise in (after you’ve healed and are ready) will help some.

Here is a post about how I gently lost the baby weight.

You Will Probably Pee Yourself

You’ll find yourself leaking pretty much every day. Laughing, coughing, sneezing, and working out are common culprits, and don’t even think about jumping on a trampoline.

There are pelvic floor exercises you can do to help regain some bladder control. Consider wearing a pad until you regain a semblance of normalcy.

You Bleed–A LOT

As I said before, the postpartum recovery stage is like a period on steroids. It’s normal to have vaginal bleeding and discharge for up to six weeks after giving birth. The bleeding gradually lightens in color and tapers off.

You’ll have to wear a pad instead of a tampon during this time, as your vagina still isn’t healed. Remember- NOTHING in the vagina for at least six weeks after birth! A tampon can expose you to bacteria and cause infections.

You Will Be Crazy Thirsty

Lactating takes a lot of liquids out of your body, making it easier to become dehydrated. Make sure to listen to your body and drink lots of extra water. It might even be worth it to invest in one of those big, fancy water bottles to make it easier to drink enough water each day. 

Be Sure to Eat Enough

According to the American Pregnancy Association, you burn between 425 and 700 extra calories per day when you’re lactating.

It’s easy to forget to eat when you’re trying to care for the most demanding, tiny human you’ve ever met. It might even be tempting to skimp on your meals to help shed that baby weight. Getting adequate nutrition is essential for your milk supply and your health. Try making up for the extra calories with healthy foods as opposed to empty calories.

Here are some ideas for easy, healthy snacks to grab while you’re breastfeeding.

Your Hormones Will Be Crazy

Your emotions will be all over the place after giving birth. The lactating hormones, combined with your depleting pregnancy hormones, will render you a blubbering mess. If you feel the urge, don’t be afraid to have a good ugly cry. It’ll help you feel better, and there’s nothing wrong with crying.

Be sure to seek professional help if you’re displaying any of the signs of postpartum depression (PPD). Crying out of the blue may be normal while you’re recovering from birth, but socially withdrawing and feeling constantly sad or anxious are not.

Embrace Your New Body

Your post-pregnancy body might never be 100% the same as it was before, and that’s ok.

You will probably have a few extra stretch marks, rolls, and thigh dimples. Your boobs will be bigger and saggier, your nipples will be large and dark, and you might pee yourself a little when you jump on the trampoline. Your body just gave birth to a human, and that’s a fantastic accomplishment. Don’t beat yourself up over those few extra stretch marks and pounds.

Take Care of Your Vagina

If you delivered vaginally, peeing will hurt a lot. Newborn diapers full of ice, pads soaked with tea or aloe vera and frozen, and using a peri bottle to clean yourself instead of wiping all offer some relief from the pain. Especially if you had tearing down there, accept that your body just went through a traumatic experience and give it some TLC.

Accept Help

NEVER underestimate the power of a newborn baby. Many first time parents make the mistake of assuming their newborn baby won’t be too much work because they sleep all the time. But some babies only like to sleep a half-hour at a time, sometimes they sleep all day and are awake all night, and often they won’t sleep without being held.

Add all that on top of your newborn being a tiny poop making machine, and your body just having given birth; you’re going to be one tired mama. 

Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Have your hubby get up with the baby a few extra times at night or ask your mom to come over and watch the baby for a few hours while you nap. You deserve that much-needed rest.  

Use Lube

Most doctors recommend waiting at least 6 weeks after giving birth to engage in sexual intercourse. Sex is gonna hurt the first time you do it postpartum, and you’ll still probably be a little tender down there. Don’t skimp on the lube when you’re getting in that postpartum action.

For more on postpartum sex, check out my realistic guide to sex after baby.

For more detail, get the handbook!

Want to know just how much bleeding is normal? The exact recipe for a sitz bath or soothing padsicles? How about C-section recovery guidelines? The Postpartum Handbook covers it all- because no one should go into this crazy ride blindly.

The following is a guest post from mom-of-two Mandy on her struggles and successes with the postpartum experience. A huge thank you to her for sharing her insight and best tips for taking care of yourself postpartum! For more on this topic, don’t miss my newborn tips for new moms and what it’s really like after giving birth.

When I was pregnant with my first child, people were pretty good at taking care of me, and I was good at taking care of myself. If I got on a packed transit train, someone would get up and let me sit down. My co-worker even brought me an extra jar of overnight oats because he’d noticed I was hungry all the time. If I wasn’t feeling well, I’d lie down or call my doctor’s office to make sure nothing was off.

After I had my baby, the focus switched immediately. It’s kind of hard to ignore a shrieking baby, and yes, babies obviously need a ton of care. I gave myself to her completely, but I didn’t realize how important it was to give to myself too. 

I learned a few lessons that I definitely implemented when baby #2 came around, and I hope you will too. Yes, your baby needs you, but your baby also needs you to feel good.

Here are a few ideas for taking care of yourself postpartum:

Sleep!

I know you’ve heard this, and maybe you’re sick of hearing it, but I’m saying it again anyway: sleep whenever you can. Sleep helps you to heal quicker after giving birth.

You’ll probably be tempted to clean, pay bills, or look at funny memes on Instagram while your baby is sleeping, but don’t give in! You’ll feel so much better physically and mentally if you rest too.

When my second baby was born, I was lucky enough that my 2-year-old daughter was still napping. I did my best to ensure that both kids napped at the same so that I could also snooze for a bit. 

Take Care of Your Health

Sometimes there’s nothing that makes me feel better than a big chocolate chip cookie, but overall, eating right will help your body heal quicker and will help fight fatigue. You might not be able to control how much rest you’re able to get, but you can control what you eat.

Another way to take care of your health is to go for walks. Soak up some of that vitamin D to boost your mood! You’ll likely be pretty cooped up right after you give birth, so take walks to keep from going crazy. 

Walking can help you to feel happier, but it can also help you heal quicker and is one of the only doctor-approved exercises after birth. 

Let Other People Serve You

When I had both of my babies, I received meals from friends and neighbors. It’s such a simple thing, but it meant so much to me. I know some of you may have a hard time accepting help, but let people serve you. Sure, it benefits you, but allowing other people to serve you brings them joy as well. 

If your neighbor offers to cook you a meal or babysit your older kids, let them. If your mom says she’ll stay the night and get up if the baby is struggling to sleep, let her. If your husband says he’ll pick up Papa John’s on the way home, let him.

Do Things You Enjoy

Whenever I’m having a tough day, I try to take a step back and allow myself to do something I enjoy. For me, that might be creative writing, drinking a Coke while going for a long drive, or singing in the shower. I also love sitting next to my hubby and binge-watching Netflix.

When I had baby #2, I made it more of a priority to have a little bit of fun. I probably don’t need to say that I love both of my kids intensely, but my second baby’s first three months were much more enjoyable because I tried to make them that way.

What do you love to do? If kickboxing is your thing, you might want to avoid that, but think of what you enjoy that’s also relaxing. Maybe you could stock up on some new books, listen to your favorite crime podcast, or draw. If you just need to get out, go grab a drink from McDonald’s and listen to your favorite songs as you drive.

Ask for Help

You might want to prove that you can do it all, but don’t. You probably can’t do it all, and that’s okay. 

A week after my daughter was born, my husband’s brother invited him to play a game over at his house. My baby really struggled in the evening, but I didn’t want to keep my husband from going out. 

While he was gone, I had a rough time. Haven cried all evening for the first time ever (she probably just missed Daddy), but I didn’t want to ask my husband to come home. He 100% would have come home, and now I know that I 100% should have asked him to.

Maybe you need help with your other kids, with meals, with your house. Whatever it is, don’t be afraid to ask for help. Your neighbors, family, and friends want you to feel good, but if you don’t ask, they won’t know what you need.

Don’t Try to Do It All

I’m a freelance writer, and I often see other freelancers ask, “How long after I have my baby can I take on clients again?”

Part of me wants to reply with, “Girl, just lie in bed for the next ten years!” but that probably wouldn’t work for everyone. 

Trying to do everything you did before you had your baby probably won’t work right away, and that’s okay! If you have to get back to work quickly, that’s one thing, but if you can take some time to acclimate to your new life, do it. 

This could also mean not trying to do all of the household tasks you used to, going out with friends as often, or making elaborate meals. Let go of the things that you can.

Try to give yourself a break, and don’t be too hard on yourself during this time. When I had my second baby, I tried to focus solely on taking care of him and my toddler, and taking care of myself (of course I took care of hubby too, but we needed his help more than usual). Try to do the same.

Express Your Feelings

Life after having my first baby was a wild mix of joy and insanity. I loved her so much, but I felt completely overwhelmed (I also didn’t know she was colicky). Although I didn’t have to deal with postpartum depression, life was tough for those first three months.

Looking back, I wish that I had been better about saying how I felt. I wanted to be a super mom, but I should have been more open about my struggles.

The people around you may not know or remember what it’s like to give birth and then take on all of the craziness that ensues afterward. As much as you’ve tried, you probably know by now that your husband can’t read your mind. If you’re struggling, let him know. If you need a little more TLC or help around the house, let him know (but try to be nice about it). 

Talk to people, whether it’s your mom, your sisters, your husband, or your pals. Talk about the good and the bad, and again, what you need. When you express what you’ve got going on inside of you, it can help you feel more at ease about your new situation. It can also help other people know how to help you.

Focus on Right Now

Maybe you still look like you’re six months pregnant and you haven’t brushed your hair in three days. You might feel anxious about getting back to work or going on like you did before. 

Try not to worry about when you’ll get back to work or when you’ll lose the baby weight. Focus on getting to know your newest family member, getting back into a groove that works for you and your family, and healing.

As wonderful as it is, giving birth can rock your world, whether it’s the first or the fifth time. Remember to make yourself a priority and cut yourself some slack! 

What did you do or how do you plan on taking care of yourself postpartum?

Leave a comment and let’s discuss!

About the guest poster

Mandy is a mama to a two-year-old boy and a four-year-old girl. When she’s not fetching snacks or cups of milk, Mandy loves to write and teaches beginners how to write over at The Hopeful Writer. When it’s time to relax, she’s all about Netflix binging and chowing down on homemade popcorn with her hubby.

If you’ve ever tried to conceive, you know how much the wait between ovulation and the start of your period can feel like torture. The dreaded “two week wait” is often spent analyzing every little tingle and sensation, wondering if it could be a sign that pregnancy has been achieved. I talked to real women to find out their first signs of pregnancy before missed period.

These are the 7 that came up again and again!

SENSE OF SMELL

Many people become hyper sensitive to smells when they’re pregnant, and this can start extremely early in the pregnancy.

Christina tells of how she knew she was pregnant with her first:

I went to the grocery store to buy a pregnancy test because it was around the time that I could start testing. While I was waiting in the checkout line, an older lady came up behind me in line. She wasn’t even that close to me, but I got a whiff of her perfume so strong it punched me in the face! I had never had super sonic smell like that before, so I immediately suspected I was about to see two lines on that pee stick!

Corinne was plagued with an unpleasant smell that seemed to be everywhere:

All I could smell was pee. Everywhere I went, pee. No one else could smell it.

Suffice it to say, if you notice anything odd with your sense of smell, that can be a big indicator that there’s a teeny weeny bun starting to cook in that oven. 

NAUSEA OR APPETITE CHANGES

Unfortunately, it’s very common for women to feel sick to their stomach during pregnancy (especially in the beginning). The hormone levels are rising rapidly, which many women can’t tolerate. 

These hormones affect people in different ways, so you could feel nausea (for me it felt very much like being hungover), loss of appetite or even increased appetite.

Molly says: “I had zero appetite. That tipped me off.”

Angel describes she felt:

Queasy and heartburn from day 1. Never experience it otherwise.

In contrast, Alexa says:

I wanted McDoubles from McDonalds all day every day… for like two weeks straight.

As you can see, appetite can be affected many different ways!

FAINT LINES ON HPT

OK, time to tell my own first pregnancy story!

When my husband and I decided to start trying, my doctor had warned me that it would likely take 6 months or more to get pregnant. I doubted it would take that long since both sides of our families are filled with extremely fertile people. So the first month of trying I was obsessing over whether or not I could be pregnant.

Everything I read said not to even bother testing until you miss your period. Earlier tests would be unreliable and blowing through pregnancy tests can quickly become an expensive habit.

I didn’t want to listen to what everything said.

My old pal Amazon hooked me up with a super cheap 25 pack of pregnancy tests, so I felt no shame about wasting them. I took my first one (actually that’s a lie, I simultaneously took two) at only 7 days after ovulation. Yup, a full week before my period was due.

And I saw this:

Don’t see any second line? Don’t feel bad. They are super, super faint because they were taken so early. I had to squint to see them in person! So, not reliable enough to declare myself officially pregnant, but definitely a huge good sign.

And sure enough, I got my “Yes, positive+” on a digital test a couple days later.

If you are already seeing lines on a HPT, get ready to celebrate because it is very likely that a bundle of joy is on the way for you! And as soon as you get that positive, you’ll want to grab the Oh Baby Pregnancy Planner to help make your entire pregnancy a breeze. This 50 page bundle includes all your trimester to-do lists, hospital tour questions, birth plan template, and much more- all to get you fully prepared for baby.

CUE THE FATIGUE

Anyone who’s been pregnant will tell you entire beginning of pregnancy feels like you’ve taken a 3 month sleeping pill. The fatigue is severe and almost impossible to combat. The onset of this symptoms varies from person to person (for me it was 6-7 weeks, and eased up a bit around 14), but for some it is the very first sign.

Ariana says:

I was constantly tired! I could literally fall asleep doing anything!

According to Christa,

The only symptom I had before I missed my period was exhaustion.

Of course if you don’t get enough sleep regularly or are stressed for any reason, you may feel exhausted without being pregnant. So while it’s not the most reliable sign, in conjunction with other symptoms it could be telling.

SORE BREASTS / PRICKLY NIPPLES

The ONLY physical sign I had that I was pregnant before the 6 week park was an odd sensation in my nipples. The best way to describe them would be tingly/prickly. It stood out to me because it was a strange sensation that I had never felt before.

Megan shares:

I had sore boobs, but not the kind of sore boobs I get when my period is coming.

Other people notice an overall breast soreness, fullness, or heaviness. Darkening of the nipples is another symptom that can start in the wee early days of pregnancy.

Nicole mentions her first sign of pregnancy was “veiny boobs”. So you should be on the lookout for all kinds of breast changes.

(Want to hear the real deal on “breast sensitivity” and other pregnancy symptoms? Check out my post about pregnancy symptoms- what the books don’t tell you).

HEADACHES

Nikki says that her earliest pregnancy sign was:

Headaches! I had headaches that wouldn’t go away no matter what I did!

You guessed it, this is another symptom that comes due to the hormone surge as well as increased blood volume, according to the American Pregnancy Association.

If you’re experiencing headaches and suspect you may be pregnant, remember that ibuprofen and aspirin are not recommended during pregnancy. Stick with Tylenol or natural remedies like a cold compress.

CRAZY/VIVID DREAMS

“I had a very vivid and scary dream”, answered Megan when asked how she first knew she was pregnant.

Vivid dreams are a strange but common pregnancy symptom that can happen anytime during the pregnancy. I remember the dreams I had during my pregnancies being unlike any other dreams I’ve ever had- almost like acting in a movie. And I could remember them well unlike normal dreams.

Arianna says she was tipped off about being pregnant because she had a:

Crazyyyy dream! I dreamt I took so many positive pregnancy tests it covered my bathroom floor.

Sounds more like a premonition to me!

Did you have any early signs of pregnancy before missed period? Share your story in the comments!

Seeing that first positive pregnancy test is such a surreal, emotional moment. I know for me, the feelings of joy were quickly followed by a sense of “what do I do now?!” Rest assured, we’ve got you covered with all the first trimester to-dos. Here are the first 12 things to do in your first 12 weeks of pregnancy.

START TAKING PRENATAL VITAMINS

Some people start taking prenatal vitamins before they even start trying to get pregnant. Those people are on it. Others of us didn’t even know we were pregnant until six weeks in (oops), and had to start taking them right after finding out.

Either way, just start taking them as soon as you know you’re pregnant. If you’re feeling sick, try taking them with saltines at whatever time of day you tend to feel the best. I always had good luck taking them right before bed so I would be asleep before I noticed any nausea.

CALCULATE YOUR DUE DATE

Unless you were very carefully tracking ovulation, chances are you’ll have to estimate based on your last period. If you don’t use a period tracker, look over your last month and try to remember what day your period started based on what you had going on. Some event on it might help jog your memory.

Once you know your the start date of your last menstrual period, you can calculate your due date with a simple calculator like this one from Babycenter.

Some digital pregnancy tests estimate how many weeks you are based on the HCG level in your urine. This is a VERY rough estimate, so you would not want to rely on these to give you any reliable idea of your due date.

If you really don’t know your last period, an early dating ultrasound is typically done at your first OBGYN appointment that can tell you your due date. Which brings us to your next to-do…

MAKE AN APPOINTMENT WITH YOUR OBGYN

A lot of the important medical checks take place at the first appointment, typically around week 8. They’ll need to do bloodwork, the first ultrasound (be prepared, this is done vaginally not through your belly like ultrasounds you see on TV), discuss genetic testing, and take a comprehensive health history and family history.

GET YOUR PREGNANCY PLANNER + JOURNAL

Pregnancy can be so overwhelming, especially if this is your first go-around.  The Oh Baby Pregnancy Planner guides you through each step so you can be completely calm and prepared. 

This planner helps you stay organized throughout your pregnancy (hello pregnancy brain) and even walks you through things you probably didn’t think you needed to know (like questions to ask your pediatrician and how to set up your home before baby arrives).  The Oh Baby Pregnancy Planner includes over 50 printables to help you prepare for baby and beyond. 

The entire planner is great for any expecting mom, but I think my favorite part is the breastfeeding guide and newborn care sheets.  This planner is packed with information I wish I’d had at my fingertips the first time around.

TELL YOUR SUPPORT PEOPLE

Ok so this one is personal choice. I know a lot of people subscribe to the conventional notion of waiting until the end of the first trimester to tell anyone they’re pregnant. The idea is that the risk of miscarriage is highest in the first trimester and it would be painful to have to go back and tell everyone you’re no longer pregnant.

I thought about it a little differently. If I were to suffer a miscarriage, would I want to go through that completely alone? Personally I think suffering in silence would make it even harder.

So instead of telling no one but my spouse about the pregnancy, I told the people that I would lean on in the event of a miscarriage. Those people are your support people. My siblings, a couple friends, and mother in law would help me get through it if I were grieving, so those are the people I didn’t wait 12 weeks to tell.

DECIDE HOW TO ANNOUNCE YOUR PREGNANCY

For the rest of the world, they can wait 12 weeks to hear the news. And that gives you some time to come up with a creative way to announce it. There are so many adorable ideas for announcing pregnancy on social media.

Here is what we did for baby number 4:

TAKE A BEFORE PICTURE

Who doesn’t love a growing baby bump progression? It’s one of the most fun things to document during pregnancy!

Of course, your pregnancy probably won’t show for a good ten weeks or so (or 16 as was the case with my first). That gives you a good amount of time to take your “before” picture before the changes really start.

GET YOUR PREGNANCY ESSENTIALS

I’m not someone who runs out and buys ALL THE THINGS, so I wrote this post about what you actually need during pregnancy.

If I had to pick the three most important, I’d say my Snoogle, Bellaband, and Maternity Undies were the things I really couldn’t live without.

START YOUR AMAZON REGISTRY

While you’re on Amazon buying your pregnancy essentials, why not start your baby registry? It’s the best place to register because friends and family in any location can easily buy off it and send you a gift that you really want. Plus, they have everything!

I love Amazon because I can take the time to read reviews and compare my options, especially for the big items. You can keep your registry private until you’re ready to share it.

READ UP ON A PREGNANCY-SAFE DIET

Considering I felt ready to puke the whole first trimester, I didn’t put much thought into the food I was eating. My diet was mostly crackers and bagels for most of it. But if you’re one of the lucky ones who is still able to eat actual food, you’ll want to know what is and isn’t safe for pregnancy.

Alcohol is a clear no in early pregnancy. Most doctors advise against raw meat or super rare meat and deli meats (unless it’s been heated through). You have to watch the mercury level with fish, and make sure your cheeses and milk are pasteurized.

Some women choose to cut out caffeine, but the guidelines say to just keep it under 200 mg per day. If you still need your coffee in the morning, 1-2 small cups per day is fine.

CONSIDER EXERCISE

Try not to laugh too hard right now if you’re laid out on the couch with morning sickness and fatigue.

If and when you feel up to it, walking is a great habit to get into to keep you healthy all pregnancy long. Prenatal yoga is another good form of exercise that can also help with your aches and pains as you progress through the pregnancy.

If you are a fitness buff, it’s most likely fine to continue the workout routine you had before you got pregnant. Just clear it with your doctor first, and be sure to listen to your body and not push too hard.

THINK ABOUT MATERNITY LEAVE

Wait, I’m just at the beginning of pregnancy and you already want me to think about maternity leave?

Yup.

You’ll want to research the maternity leave policy at your workplace and make an informed decision about the best time to tell your boss.

If the pregnancy will affect your ability to do your job (i.e. heavy lifting) you will need to disclose early on and your employer is required to make reasonable accommodations for you. You’ll also want to know the amount of paid time off you have and how you’re allowed to use it, and whether or not you will qualify for unpaid leave under FMLA. 

Depending on your area, there may be extensive waiting lists for daycare so having this information will help you determine when you will need your daycare spot and get one reserved early on.

Can you think of any other things to do in your first 12 weeks of pregnancy?

I’d probably add “be kind to yourself” and “take a nap!” How about you? Let me know in the comments!

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